This was 2009. Its my baby's birthday today. I hope he loves my present. Well there are three cards inside. Written by my father,my mother and myself. So yeah.. Happy birthday sweetheart. May all your wishes,dreams,desires,passion and resolutions for this year come true. He just told me that his new resolution is to speak good english this year because he wants to get this job for Emirates. If I'm not wrong right sweetheart?
So i actually want to update about this particular incident that happen to me when i sleep over at my father's place. I saw late grandfather. His face was soo soo..... i dont how to put this in words.. But i think im sub conscious at that moment because i felt half awake and half asleep. It looks like a dream but i know I'm awake. IIt was hard to believe that the moment i saw,i didn't scream or faint or get sick. I was relieve to have actually have the chance to meet him. He walk to me. Sat beside me. Say somethings i can't remember. And after awhile i just walk to my father and told him. I didn't even remember him vanishing.. BUT i do remember that i felt being push down as if i was refrain from screaming or making any movements. I didn't move. I cried knowing that my late grandfather came to meet me. Until now i have this feeling that he was trying to tell me something but what on earth is it.. See how blur i am. Isa is super right about me... I want to meet him again but at the same time I'm really scared. Suzanna you are one *toot*. Be brave.
And of course the reason i came to my father's house that night is because i was curious. Curious on why I'm a child to so called have parents but i don't feel like i do. I'm not being emotional or unfair but i tried turning to anyone i turn to but all i hear.."Your mummy made a lot of sacrifices..blablabla" Then i will have to respond and say okey. So who else can i turn to then my father "Daddy had suffered a lot.. and blablabla" I cry because I'm listening to people's problem but what about myself. I want to talk things out to Isa but I'm afraid to break down in front of him. Yes this is one thing he doesn't know.. I cried in front of Isa a few times but i never break down in front of him before. Only some of my tanglin girls have..
Shit now I'm tearing. No one knows what i go through. I didn't have childhood like you guys and girls do. I see things that i shouldn't see when i was young. I admit I'm spoil now.. I update later... seriously... Ayden is here..